When the weather started to warm up this spring, husband Jack and I decided to have a little fun--just the two of us! So we did what we have been conditioned to consider fun throughout our lives together; we went camping! Or, more specifically, we hitched up the camper, headed to a remote campground in West Virginia, and waited for fun to happen.
And waited, and waited, and waited.
And then we gave up and went out for barbecue.
The next day, we made a better plan and drove an hour to a state park for a hike. Of course, 2/3 of the way around the loop, rain began pouring . . . Buckets of rain later, and without a dry patch of clothing, we finished the last two miles and had to console ourselves with ice cream. Ice cream makes everything better, but so do walks in a beautiful (if drippy) forest.
The following day, we woke up and wondered again what to do. No kids to feed pancakes to and we didn't need the carbs. It felt too weird to join the families in the campground pool, and there were no hikes within 45 minutes listed on our hiking app . . . so we drove an hour to Starbucks. And along the way, husband Jack asked a great question.
"Who are we as an empty nest couple, and what do we like to do on vacation?" Hmmmm . . .
As usual, Jack already had an idea of the problem when he asked the question, so he added, “It seems like what we are doing this weekend is trying to do the same things we did with the kids and expecting the fun to show up.” Yep, he was right.
When our last child left home in 2019, we moved to Germany a few months later. That was a complete break with how we did life and vacation, and we seldom felt bored on a weekend away. But when we moved back to the States, apparently we had subconsciously resumed the vacation habits we established when the kids were home. Interesting! Obviously it was time to redefine what vacation meant for us as empty nesters!
So we began making a list for future vacation planning:
We like hiking and we don’t mind rain as long as the hike is scenic.
Ice cream is a great treat after a 5-mile hike, but we like the expensive stuff. Since it’s just the two of us, we can afford it. Yay!
We need to take up a sport we can do on vacation. Golf? Pickleball? Bicycling?
We like amenities! Primitive is out, creature comforts are in! No need to hide out in the woods by ourselves!
We enjoy cooking over the fire, but we also like to go out and sample the local offerings, so we should make sure some good eats are close by.
Good coffee is a non-negotiable, so we need to vacation near local coffee shops or bring our own brewing equipment. Coffee and campfire is a perfect pairing!
As far as vacations go, the summer went better than the spring and we are looking forward to another camping vacation over Labor Day. We have made some improvements in how we plan our vacations, but I think the more deeper question we were exploring all along was this:
Who are we without kids?
I follow several empty nest Facebook groups, and this is a theme I hear over and over. Sadly, many people conclude that there really is no “we” left in that question. Whether these relationships can be rebuilt after kids is doubtful in the minds of many who post. So while how we vacation needs to be considered, perhaps the bigger question of who we are as a couple should be the first one that gets addressed as kids start to leave the nest. Or better yet, long before they do.
Who we are spiritually as a couple is a good place to start, because the answer to that impacts all other questions, even empty nest vacation plans. Husband Jack and I value Sabbath rest practices in our lives, so our vacations need to include opportunities to rest and renew and discuss where we think God is at work in our marriage and our hearts.
Vacations where we connect spiritually with God and each other bring us much closer to answering this fundamental question of who we are as a an empty nest couple. No matter how many spectacular vacation destinations we explore, they really have no lasting significance unless we have each other to enjoy life with when we get back home.
Contemplation:
Here are some questions to ponder or discuss with your spouse; feel free to put some thoughts in the comments below if you want to start a conversation!
What does vacation look like without the kids? Consider some changes for the better along with some things you might miss.
What possibilities does the empty nest provide in terms of vacation opportunities that might be new and exciting?
How can you use vacations to build your empty nest relationship with your spouse?
How can you build rest and renewal into your vacation plans? Is that more or less important now than it was when the kids were home? Why is that true for you?
How can vacation strengthen you spiritually? What kinds of activities foster closeness with God for you? For your spouse? Is there a way to build those into your vacation plans? What might that look like?
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